from January 16th
it’s day three of my 14-day trek on the Conscious Cleanse. On day 1, i got a little cocky and thought how easy it was, noshing on bananas as always, eating steamed veggies as always, and treating myself to some almonds for a change, because i didn’t have to worry about “not deserving them, since i’ve already eaten a ton of other junk.” i had lentils with my dinner and an apple for a snack when i got home from work, and i was happily bellyache-free when i woke up.
days 2 and 3 have been a little less easy. i don’t have caffeine in my veins, much as i enjoy a good cup of coffee, and i don’t eat much bread, even though i like gnawing on bagels more than puppies on chew toys, so giving up caffeine and gluten and yeast (and soy, and oranges, and dairy, and eggs, and tomatoes, and peppers) hasn’t been horrible. What has started to suck is sugar withdrawal. I ate some larabars over the past few days to try to satisfy the craving, but it’s not the same. i caved (laugh all you want at this confession) and had 2 chocolate chips earlier. i also might have inhaled some black bean chips (corn free! but yeah yeah, still processed crap). hell, i’m not perfect. and as confident as i was going into this, i’m realizing now that eliminating things i’m addicted to (or at least very accustomed to) from my diet is HARD.
additionally, i am now hungry all the time. i do not exaggerate when i tell you that i’m eating every 1-2 hours. it’s really embarrassing to me to admit this, because i’m pretty enmeshed in a world (made-up or real, i don’t know which) in which women aren’t supposed to need more than a few dainty meals a day. the fact that i’ve eaten 3 bananas, 3 apples, a salad, a green smoothie, kale chips, carrot slices, hummus, almond butter, and a rather gigantic handful of mixed nuts today doesn’t do very much for my self-esteem…not in dainty-lady world, anyway.
i think i need to get a little bit smarter about how to eat on this cleanse. making lentils for dinner the last 2 nights was great, but i might need to consider either making more, or eating that earlier in the day, so that i’m not snacking every hour, on the hour. besides being annoying, it’s a little bit silly to be caught by a coworker, several times per shift, tossing a smoothie or a bunch of almonds back to battle the bottomless pit.